INSTANT LIFE SUBSTITUTE
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Episode 21 - 1 March 2005

Hannah and Sacha watched each other. Hannah grinned in her teeth-baring manner and spoke first: "Go on then, ask the obvious question."

"What's the obvious question?"

"'When did you first realise you were a lesbian?'"

Sacha pushed her glasses up her nose. "I can see how you'd get asked that a lot."

"Oh, there are variations on the theme" said Hannah.

"Such as?"

Hannah narrowed her eyes for emphasis. "'When did you first realise you were different?' That's always a favourite."

"I can imagine that'd get wearing." There was another pause. This time Sacha spoke first: "Go on, then."

"The obvious question? When I was eight."

"That's young!"

Hannah grinned again and flicked her eyebrows up. "I was precocious."

"Okay" said Sacha, "when did you get your first girlfriend?"

Hannah gave Sacha a sideways look, still grinning. "Now you're getting personal."

Sacha laughed. "I bet you were one of those girls who hung around behind the toilet block at school smoking instead of going to class."

"No way" said Hannah, shaking her head. "The library, that was my hang-out." Sacha raised an eyebrow, and Hannah continued: "We had student librarians, and I had librarian fantasies." She chuckled to herself and clenched the cigar between her teeth like she was Groucho Marx. "Second obvious question"

"Okay." Sacha was curious, though starting to wonder if Hannah would talk about herself all night.

Hannah continued: "'How did your parents take it?'"

" . . . And?"

Hannah shrugged. "Dad died when I was four, so that was half the problem taken care of." She laughed, a low growl, and put the cigar to her lips again.

"And your Mum?"

"Mum's . . . Still taking it. Or not. You Jewish?"

"No."

Hannah flicked her eyebrows up again. "Too bad. Always thought Mum'd like it if I settled down with a nice Jewish girl."

"Sorry I can't help."

"That's okay, mate. Wasn't really looking to settle down just yet anyway." Hannah stubbed the cigar out on the wall and cleared her throat. "Gotta fly!" She stepped forward from the wall and started walking. She paused and put her hand on Sacha's forearm and leaned forward, looking into Sacha's eyes, and smiled for the first time, instead of grinning. "Next time" she said, "we'll find out all your dirty little secrets." Then she ran across the road and jumped onto a passing tram. Sacha watched her walk down the middle of the tram and take a seat; Hannah turned and looked out of the window at Sacha again and once more bared her teeth in her familiar grin.